i have amazing friends. they know who i am, and what i need. they know when to listen and when to offer things to help. they respond to who and how i am in the most amazing ways.. jacob sent me this today. it is a reminder of something i tend to have trouble with..

Trying to Catch the Wind

Smiling into tired eyes a cup of tea is passed. It appears that something has gone wrong, and yet there are no words to convey just what that might be. Just the silence of two who have found that sometimes words are unnecessary, that words will come on their own when it is time, that nothing need be forced.

Sitting in the backyard tea cups are set aside, as one smiles into the breeze and the other looks upon that smile in wonder. A deep sigh as a hand is raised and the invisible breeze plays between outstretched fingers. Sensing the wondering eyes, the glance is returned, a smile still upon the face, but the eyes much more direct now. Hand still held aloft turning this way and that as the breeze gently tickles the palm, the inner wrist, raising goose-bumps.

A quiet little laugh as fingers suddenly close in on themselves, fingertips pressing firmly into the palm. Quizzical look as a question is asked. ìDo you think I caught it?î

ìCaught what?î is the reply.

Opening of the hand, held out as in offering, ìThe wind of course.î

Laughter now in the eyes that had looked so tired. ìYou canít catch the wind.î

Looking away and leaning over a dandelion blossom, ìAnd why canít I?î

A bit more seriously the reply comes, ìThere is nothing to catch.î

Face turning up from the dandelion, ìIf you know that, then why do you look so tired my friend?î

How often do we find ourselves hurrying through our day trying to catch something that is elusive to us? We tell ourselves that if only this happens we will be ok, that if only that happens things will even themselves out and we can finally sit back and relax. We wear ourselves out trying to catch something that is as unobtainable as the wind, when all along it is flowing, ebbing, and rising all around us. We get so caught up in our endeavors that we miss the gentle tickling on our palms.

..my goal in korea has been to notice the tickling on my palm.. to take the time to appreciate it, and stop grasping at nothing. recently this has been a little more difficult as i have tried to regain more sense of people and things that i will perhaps never understand again. as difficult as it may be, maybe it is time to let some things flow away and be gone like it seems they were meant to. as it seems they want to. i don't like seeing tired eyes in the mirror.

as promised.. some pictures of my absolutely ridiculously adorable students!
the first is one of my favorite classes. they're just starting to learn english.. from left to right it's max, rusa, julie and mint. max never stops moving. that's why it looks like he crashed into the girls. i'm pretty sure he actually did. :P

next is tim and two of his favorite students.

and last is another one of my crazy fun classes. the girl on the far right likes to hang on me.. and in the picture is doing a ballerina pose because we had just been playing simon says and she thought that it was hysterical when i made the boys spin like ballerinas.

hooray for running at 1am.
hooray for my wonderful brother who came running with me and didn't make fun of how slow i am (actually i think he was impressed that i wasn't completely turtle-like :D )
hooray for my wonderful arianna who mailed me grey's anatomy.
hooray for TV that can make me think.
and hooray for seeing new places that make me think, with people who make me think.

this is a picture of me at the korean war memorial park in seoul.


and this is julie, michelle, roman, me and my bro, out for a night of fun with coworkers and friends.


and this is seoul tower at night, which i mentioned previously that i am in love with. the part where it's green actually changes colors to red and white and yellow.. absolutely mesmerizing..

one of the ways this place has been interesting for me has been the way i simultaneously feel very beautiful and really not. the feeling beautiful comes from a lot of things.. lack of stress is a huge one. i wake up whenever i wake up every day, and stay up pretty much as late as i want (which, being me, is not very late. but whatever.). i've been getting exercise and spending lots of time juggling. i think i've also been told that i am beautiful more times in the last three weeks than in the last four or five months. i have one student that every time i teach him he says 'teacher, you are beautiful!' it's adorable, and makes me smile every time. on the other hand, i have moments of feeling just.. gross. it's so weird for me to be bigger than everyone else. in every way. to know that if i walk into a store the chance of finding clothing that would fit me (or that i could get on my body even) is pretty much zero. there are days when my thoughts are ugly, and i feel as though i can see it in my face and my eyes.. sometimes i am amazed that others can't see it.

saturday night i felt very ugly. i was tired and overwhelmed (and hungry too i think). we were on our way into itaewon to get egg sandwiches and sit for a drink at a club for a bit, and i just got black inside for a while. it was awful. i felt like dorian gray.. fine on the outside, but had someone perceptive painted a picture of me it would have been wretched. by the time we got to the egg sandwiches i was on the verge of tears and completely not hungry anymore. for a while my insides felt like they were ripping, really only being held in by walking arm in arm with Roman. that bit of contact kept me present. i felt better once at the club.. eric pulled me onto the dance floor and *made* me dance with him. there's something about spinning and just feeling the rhythm that is so good.. so true. anyhow. it brought me back to equilibrium and i felt alright after that. i have been contemplating the ups and downs and simultaneous polar feelings for the past couple of days.. i think they're just something i have to work through this summer. working through things is, after all, why i am here.

we have had a *good* night :D got off work at 9:15 and went to the grocery store.. got some milk (all milk here is whole - yummy!), yogurt, and some juice, then came home and changed for our juggling date at the park. last night, tim and i met some lovely people at the park and started teaching them how to juggle. we decided to meet again tonight and the couples would bring their children so they could learn how to juggle as well.

we juggled at the park with our buddies for almost two hours tonight. well, not all juggling.. a lot of it was playing silly catch games with the smaller children. by smaller i mean i think they were about 5? mostly it was the parents learning how to juggle, and one slightly older boy. i think he's 11. in all i think there were 5 adults and 6 or 7 kids, plus tim and i. we pretty much took over the small park. we decided that we are going to meet there at 10 pm every Monday night. looks like we've created our own little juggling/playing club! yay!

one of the women brought us a bag with about a pound and a half of kimchi, and a small container of pickled eggs and mushrooms. SO GOOD! the kimchi is better than what we've gotten at most restaurants. it's not as spicy, so you can actually taste the other things. like ginger. yum. anyhow. here are some pictures of us with random food things we have gotten the last couple of days:

tim with yummy food. clockwise from tim's head we have donuts (that were cheap and tim was excited :P ), bag o' kimchi, pickled eggs and mushrooms, mini oranges that you don't peel, cherry tomatoes we got at the wedding, and haitai yoghurt (a drinkable yogurt that we first experienced mixed with what is basically korean vodka, only tastes better than vodka and is a handy little snack)


and me loving some kimchi. mmmmm.... note the juggling clubs in the background. yeah. good night :)

we went to a korean wedding yesterday.. super cool. our coworker sean was the one getting married. he was all concerned that we shouldnt go because it was 'so far away!' .. but tim and i absolutely could not think of anything better to do on a sunday afternoon than go to a wedding, so we hitched a ride with two of our coworkers and went up there. the first half of the wedding was western style and the second half was traditional korean. here are my pictures:

this is the happy groom, our coworker sean:


and the beautiful bride:


i have more pictures, but blogger is being a pain right now with the uploading.. i'll try to post a picture of them in their traditional korean wedding clothes and one of tim and i at the wedding too.. but not now. my battery is almost dead, and it's just about bedtime.

oh! and also, today was 'teachers' day' here.. so the kids had off of normal school. some of them brought gifts for us. i got a rose (only the second time i've received flowers from a boy that wasn't for prom, etc. exciting and he was SO nervous about it!), a cute handkerchief, a cell phone charm and a bar of lavender soap. the kids were so cute... 'teacher! teacher! it is teacher's day!' and then they'd hand the person a gift and scamper off. one of the teachers didnt even get a chance to say thank you b/c the student was so shy about it. pretty soon i will figure out a non-awkward reason/way to bring my camera in to my classes so i can post pictures of my students. really, you'll melt. the cuteness is astounding. sometimes i walk into the room for my younger classes and just want to take them all home. then i think about how insane that would be and rethink it, and just enjoy my time in the class.

here is so good for my soul (seoul? *groan*). i really suggest that anyone who can take the opportunity to do something like this. it's just.. wow.