i know i've been bad about posting. and there are a couple people who have expressed curiosity about what i've been up to. but. the whole virginia tech thing. holy crap. i feel that it pales in comparison to any news i could write on here about myself. my partner's little sister goes to VT and one of her favorite teachers is thought to be dead. she wasn't near the area where it all happened. i think my heart skipped a couple beats when i realized the shooting was at her school. thankfully she's ok.
it's interesting the different reactions people have to the whole thing. given that i study higher education, some classmates and colleagues have started talking about the effect this event will have on colleges and universities around the country. higher security in residence halls? more cameras in classrooms? more police on campus? but then how can you possibly react when something happens so incredibly quickly? i have an interview with a school on monday. i had been planning on asking about their plan of action for crisis situations, in light of what happened at bluffton university.. but now with this having happened, it makes it even more relevant. the two events are traumatic in different ways, but students will certainly have some similar needs to help them cope. anyhow. to get off the geek pedestal and reflect on another reaction.
some people have asked why no one did anything to stop the guy. someone i knew in high school posted the following in a myspace bulletin:
"Ok, the Virginia tech thing. First of all, very sad, really.
But GIMME A BREAK, that fucker managed to shoot 50 FUCKING PEOPLE and no one tried to take him down? It would be wrong of me to say that it is their own fault, but I will tell you right now, in IL the guy would have been lucky to even raise his gun before someone was taking him down. I find it strange that absolutely NO ONE acted the hero, at least trying to stop the gunman. The worst shooting incident in US History? Well, maybe next time someone will react when they see 30 of their classmates die and try to put a stop to it. I am sorry, and I am sure I will get flak for this statement. But it wouldn't have been the worse shooting in history if people acted with the survival instinct they are supposed to, aka ATTACK.
And for those who think I am hypocritical and would run away just like all those other people, I learned a long time ago that I can't run fast and I can't hide behind things. All that leaves is offense, so there."
i still dont know what to make of that. ..i think it's going to take me a while to process it all. ..i think it will take a lot of people a while to process.
3.29.2007
i had some time to sit and think for a while yesterday.. and this is what came out of my head:
"at some point, i stopped writing just to write. when i was younger, i would spend time every day just writing whatever came to my head. no worries about sentence structure or coherence.. no focus on whether what i was writing made sense. i wrote just to write. my head was filled with all these words that just needed to come out. things that refused to stay in. and every day i took a little while to let it all out. as i have progressed through my years (although i am yet not very old..) i have found myself having a harder time writing just for the joy of creation. as i have been taught in school, all writing must serve a purpose. it must express an idea, an emotion. prove a point. make sense. why is that?
through especially the last two years, i have seen so many things that don't make sense. things that made me throw up my hands in frustration or disbelief, 'i just don't get it!' so why then is it in my head that the things i write about must make sense? if i am to express what is really going on in my head and my surroundings, how can i be expected to write sentences that make meaning out of something i can't even wrap my head around? how much of what is in our heads could make beautiful writing if we could get past this training that says 'everything in your world can be made sense of'?
even as i write this i am keenly aware of the contradiction in what i am doing. these words came out to express my distaste for everything having to have a purpose. is that not itself a purpose? i sat down to write about the things in my head, and ended up writing about my inability to do so. instead of actually writing about the thoughts, describing them and setting them free, i have merely written about their existance, not giving them the due of full expression."
...and then i got interrupted.
but i wanted to share.
back to the insanity! i have interviews with 6 schools (from literally coast to coast) this weekend. cross your fingers that at least one or two go well :)
"at some point, i stopped writing just to write. when i was younger, i would spend time every day just writing whatever came to my head. no worries about sentence structure or coherence.. no focus on whether what i was writing made sense. i wrote just to write. my head was filled with all these words that just needed to come out. things that refused to stay in. and every day i took a little while to let it all out. as i have progressed through my years (although i am yet not very old..) i have found myself having a harder time writing just for the joy of creation. as i have been taught in school, all writing must serve a purpose. it must express an idea, an emotion. prove a point. make sense. why is that?
through especially the last two years, i have seen so many things that don't make sense. things that made me throw up my hands in frustration or disbelief, 'i just don't get it!' so why then is it in my head that the things i write about must make sense? if i am to express what is really going on in my head and my surroundings, how can i be expected to write sentences that make meaning out of something i can't even wrap my head around? how much of what is in our heads could make beautiful writing if we could get past this training that says 'everything in your world can be made sense of'?
even as i write this i am keenly aware of the contradiction in what i am doing. these words came out to express my distaste for everything having to have a purpose. is that not itself a purpose? i sat down to write about the things in my head, and ended up writing about my inability to do so. instead of actually writing about the thoughts, describing them and setting them free, i have merely written about their existance, not giving them the due of full expression."
...and then i got interrupted.
but i wanted to share.
back to the insanity! i have interviews with 6 schools (from literally coast to coast) this weekend. cross your fingers that at least one or two go well :)
3.17.2007
i am sitting in fort lauderdale airport, on my way to bowling green state university for the week. they overbooked my flight so i got bumped to a different one.. which unfortunately leaves 9 hours after the one i was supposed to be on. thankfully, though, there is free wireless here! yay. it will at least help alleviate the airport-induced pain a bit..
i'm stealing this from gloria, becuse it seems like something interesting to do.
No More Silence: 15 things I should have said - to 15 different people, anonymously.
1. stop pitying yourself.
2. it wasn't your place to take that from me.
3. you are one of the most beautiful people i have ever known.
4. i sometimes wonder if i was old enough to make that decision.
5. your hugs are one of the things that got me through last spring.
6. i had a HUGE crush on you.
7. the way you interact with people is one of the most disrespectful things i've ever seen.
8. your kindness outshines that of almost anyone i know.
9. watching you raise children is going to amuse me immensely.
10. thank you for everything you have given me.
11. i have never felt so sexy as when...
12. you taught me how things can be better.
13. you kindof scare me. and i like it.
14. please learn to stand up for yourself.
15. i'm more scared of the time commitment than the loss.
i'm stealing this from gloria, becuse it seems like something interesting to do.
No More Silence: 15 things I should have said - to 15 different people, anonymously.
1. stop pitying yourself.
2. it wasn't your place to take that from me.
3. you are one of the most beautiful people i have ever known.
4. i sometimes wonder if i was old enough to make that decision.
5. your hugs are one of the things that got me through last spring.
6. i had a HUGE crush on you.
7. the way you interact with people is one of the most disrespectful things i've ever seen.
8. your kindness outshines that of almost anyone i know.
9. watching you raise children is going to amuse me immensely.
10. thank you for everything you have given me.
11. i have never felt so sexy as when...
12. you taught me how things can be better.
13. you kindof scare me. and i like it.
14. please learn to stand up for yourself.
15. i'm more scared of the time commitment than the loss.
3.15.2007
this week has been.. one full of reflection for me. with spring break (and other insanity such as interviewing for jobs) coming up, it has been easy to mark time, essential even. keeping track of things, knowing where i am, what i am doing, who i must contact.. who i am. needing to be able to articulate who i am, what i am good at, what i struggle with. i've spent a lot of time thinking about graduate school and my own development during it. a lot has happened in the last year and a half. heck, broken down, a lot has happened in the last year, the last six months, the last month..
something that has been sticking in my head for a couple days is the difference in my position from last march. a year ago i was in the midst of a maelstrom. a year ago i was home, staying with mike and his family, no idea of what was yet to come. no thought to brace myself. i thought things were going to get easier again. they did get easier, but not until i was halfway across the globe. things got a lot worse, first.
this year, i am once again in the midst of a swirl of confusion. but this time, it's mostly positive confusion. it's the confusion of moving on and up. of graduating, finding a job, balancing school and a nearby SO, really *living* in miami. i feel much more balanced and ready to handle the craziness of what april will bring. this time i actually know what the craziness is! which makes it still a bit scary, but much easier to handle, i think. i've got more people and tools to help me keep an even keel.
anyhow. here's hoping. the next 6 or 8 weeks are going to be nuts for me. i might not be around much. i might not make phone calls, or send emails, or post to my blog. but i am here. i am keeping afloat.
and i am exactly where i want to be.
something that has been sticking in my head for a couple days is the difference in my position from last march. a year ago i was in the midst of a maelstrom. a year ago i was home, staying with mike and his family, no idea of what was yet to come. no thought to brace myself. i thought things were going to get easier again. they did get easier, but not until i was halfway across the globe. things got a lot worse, first.
this year, i am once again in the midst of a swirl of confusion. but this time, it's mostly positive confusion. it's the confusion of moving on and up. of graduating, finding a job, balancing school and a nearby SO, really *living* in miami. i feel much more balanced and ready to handle the craziness of what april will bring. this time i actually know what the craziness is! which makes it still a bit scary, but much easier to handle, i think. i've got more people and tools to help me keep an even keel.
anyhow. here's hoping. the next 6 or 8 weeks are going to be nuts for me. i might not be around much. i might not make phone calls, or send emails, or post to my blog. but i am here. i am keeping afloat.
and i am exactly where i want to be.
3.05.2007
so i took this ridiculous thing.. and i have to say i disagree with some of the results. lol they call me an old geezer!! have no idea what that's about. i do, however, have to agree with the hotness rating ;)
but whatever.. the test itself was interesting. i suggest it if you have 20 minutes to spare:
Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)
TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite
but whatever.. the test itself was interesting. i suggest it if you have 20 minutes to spare:
The Everything Test
There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)
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| Politics Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 50% of the time. | Socioeconomic Your attitude toward life best associates you with Upper Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 65% less than the U.S. average. |
| If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13. By the way, your hottness rank is 71%, hotter than 96% of other test takers. |
TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite
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